One Godwink at a Time
It’s been one of those difficult weeks for me, friends. One of those busy weeks filled with more to do than there is time in the day. On top of that, if there was a drink to spill, I spilled it. That thing I wasn’t supposed to forget? I forgot about it. That to-do list? Not done. Not even close. A lot seems to be going wrong, and I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m worrying about things I have no control over and feeling anxious about my future. And...is it just me or does my vision seem worse when I’m stressed? Deep breaths, I keep reminding myself, this will all be okay. And it will be.
Being there for everyone else
I always try hard to be everyone else’s rock, but I REALLY struggle to be my own. The mother, teacher, and friend in me can offer suggestions and advice all day long. I am a caregiver by nature and if you know me well, you know I love BIG (I do and feel all things BIG, really) and helping others brings me great joy.
Struggling with patience
But, I have this huge fault. I can preach to others about how to be healthy, about how to stay positive, and about how to move forward from difficult things, words I don’t just preach, but honestly and truly believe in, but, I don’t always hear myself. I know just as well, those things are never actually that easy to accomplish. We are all human...and most humans (including myself) I’m learning, have a hard time waiting for the unknown. The unknown is scary and uncomfortable and we want answers now. Patience really is a virtue. I am on the patience struggle bus. I might even be driving it.
A winning home team
"Everyone has a home team: It’s the people you call when you get a flat tire or when something terrible happens. It’s the people who, near or far, know everything that’s wrong with you and love you anyway. These are the ones who tell you their secrets, who get themselves a glass of water without asking when they’re at your house. These are the people who cry when you cry. These are your people, your middle-of-the-night, no-matter-what people.”
This is one of my favorite quotes. I have a strong, winning home team. I believe in them and they believe in me. No matter what. I call these people my parachutes because they always, always slow my fall.
My support system
One of my biggest parachutes this last week is a mom of a student in my class. She has become such an amazing friend and supporter this past school year. She is just an awesome person...and she’s really good at reminding me of how great she thinks I am. I am so thankful for her and can only hope that I inspire others the way she does me. She encourages me. She brings me coffee and sweet gifts. This is certainly not why I admire her so much, but those small acts of kindness matter. She sends me energetic and caring quotes in the mornings (I obviously love, love, love inspirational quotes). Who doesn’t need a little bit of that in their life? She helps out in my classroom whenever I ask just so I can get some behind the scenes work done. My students love her. She is a saving grace in my life, and I’m sure so many others.
This morning, she brought me a book.
Signs that I'm on the right path
I don’t know how or why, but I often feel like the universe is ‘speaking’ to me. Not in a weird way, I don’t hear literal voices speaking to me (not usually anyway, ha!)...but small things happen to me that just sort of let me know that I am on MY right path. When I’m lucky, I get little ‘signs’ out of nowhere, usually when I need them most, that stick out as extraordinarily just-for-me. Little gifts of definitive proof for my whimsical mind that remind me I’m right where I’m supposed to be after all. Offerings of encouragement to keep going. Things that are too ‘real’ to just be coincidences.
The book my friend shared is titled 'When God Winks at You' by Squire Rushnell. Rushnell is a former television executive and inspirational speaker and author. But more than that, to me, he is the guy that helped me give a name to these just-for-me signs from the universe...godwinks!
Coincidence or not?
Ever find a lucky penny on the ground? Eh...a coincidence, maybe? Ever find two in a row, just minutes apart...with the same special-to-you year on it? That’s a godwink. Ladybugs are special to me. A ladybug in my house? Okay, it’s spring. Coincidence. A ladybug crawling on the ceiling right above my bed as I lay in worry? In winter? Another godwink. A flagpole with a special message? A fiery sunset that moves your soul? Godwinks.
The last few years of my life's journey have brought a lot of lessons and enlightenment, whether I wanted them to or not. One thing I know for certain, for myself, is that when I get a godwink it never feels like a coincidence. Godwinks are certain.
I try hard every single day to be positive, to self-love, to be patient, gentle and understanding toward myself and others. Overall, I think I do a pretty good job. But, honestly, some days I have a smile on my face, but I’m just robotically moving throughout my day checking things off of my to-do list, missing all the joy. I can’t remember the last time I slept through the entire night. It was probably about 12 years ago before I became a mom. I’m always really tired, but then get into bed and my brain wants to remember ALL the things. Anyone feel me on this?
It’s impossible to know the future. So, I’m trying to live my life one godwink at a time and practicing my patience during the space between.
Quick Tip: You can’t force godwinks. They just happen. And when they do, you know it.
Let your godwinks guide you, you’re right where you’re supposed to be.
Do you still drive?