What If?
If I could ever get the chance to change the way my life could be, I find myself wondering what I would alter. Living with my diagnosis of myopic macular degeneration (MMD) for 5 years now, I am sure there are definitely changes I would really wish for.
What if I didn't need corrective lenses?
What if I never had to worry about what I could see? I have needed glasses since I was 7 years old. The possibility of not needing vision correction over all these years... While this may sound trivial to some, to me it would definitely be freeing.
The yearly eye exams could have been less intimidating. I could have been more certain at each checkup. I see myself saying confidently, "Yes, I see that letter all the way down there."
What if, even with corrective glasses over the years, I did not worry about what my coke- bottle lenses looked like? I could have had "normal" lenses, ones that most every other kid had. I am sure I would have been more sure of myself, even with the glasses.
What if I could use more comfortable contacts?
What if I, when transitioning to contact lenses later on in my life, I found that I could wear the more comfortable ones? I could have not needed the rigid gas-permeable lenses for correction of astigmatism and nearsightedness. I could have actually been able to wear the soft contact lenses, the ones that tend to be more comfortable and so much easier to get used to.
What if I was never diagnosed with MMD?
What if the progressive eye disease cataracts had never become a part of my life journey? I could have continued with my eye checkups throughout my early 40s without having to deal with the cloudy or blurry vision that this disease brings. I would have not needed the corrective surgery and been quite content with what I was seeing.
What if I did not have that 1 day in the spring of 2019 where I noticed a change? I would not have experienced an odd occurrence of seeing the door frames almost weaving and wavering. The window blinds would not have seemed to be waving. There would not have been an oddly-shaped smudge across my central vision.
What if, even with experiencing the odd changes in my vision, my diagnosis was not so daunting? Upon hearing the words "myopic macular degeneration," this could have been an unassuming condition mentioned. Those words could have been quickly and quietly dealt with.
In my ideal dream world, this could have been a one-and-done situation.
My MMD made me who I am today
What if I have a lifetime of wondering what could have been different? As it is, my "what ifs" are just a pipe dream, wistful thoughts of these past 65 years. My life with myopic macular degeneration is all mine. I am sure it has made me who I am today, and I am okay with that. I thank God for the modern medicine that has enabled the stabilizing of my condition.
What if you could go back in time and alter your path? Would you?
Join the conversation