When the Holidays Lack Cheer

Not everyone’s Thanksgiving looks like a Norman Rockwell painting. And, everyone’s heart isn’t exactly filled with Christmas cheer either. This is something I’m careful to remember each year during the holidays.

Struggling to celebrate

The truth is that some people are alone on holidays. Some are sad. Others struggle to be around family in situations that simply do not bring comfort and joy. And, some are going through difficult situations that steal the excitement of the season right out from underneath them.

Winter wonderland worries

If you're struggling with a diagnosis of macular degeneration or severe vision loss, you may be having these difficult feelings yourself. Things like seeing noticeable new changes to your vision, struggling to see faces at gatherings, or even just worrying about navigating around a room you aren’t familiar with...can really put a damper on wanting to celebrate.

Maybe you’re worried about a loved one asking you about your eyes because you can’t talk about it yet without tearing up. Perhaps you’re so anxious about a new diagnosis or disheartening news you recently received at your retina specialist’s office that you just can’t fathom trying to do anything that requires you to put a smile on your face.

Finding the joy

You might be wondering what you can do if you’re someone who is finding themselves feeling joyless during the most wonderful time of the year. First, if nobody has told you this, let me be the first. It is okay to have big, strong feelings - no matter what time of the year it is.

Macular degeneration doesn’t go "on pause" during the holidays. Grief and worry don’t take a coffee break until January. This diagnosis (and the hardships it can bring) is real, ever-present, and important every day of the year.

Being intentionally present

I've developed coping mechanisms for tackling my big emotions at times where I want to just try to enjoy myself. First and foremost, I try to be intentionally present in the moment. Even though my failing vision feels relentless, I talk to myself about it when I want to keep it all at bay. I might say, "Just for today, (or just for this gathering, or for as long as I can handle it), I’m going to set my hard feelings aside so I can enjoy the day."

Allotted time for grief

You deserve to enjoy the day, friends. Our macular degeneration is going to be present at all times from here on out. This shouldn’t mean that we have to let it completely consume us. Another strategy my therapist suggests to me is to allow a certain amount of time to feel crummy about my hardships. Once that time is up, I try to do what I can to be happier and more at peace with my situation.

What you can do for others

If you know that someone you love and care about is struggling this holiday season, I urge you to reach out to them in specific ways. Along my journey, I’ve found that when someone asks if they can help in any way, I immediately respond with a polite "No, thank you."

Instead, maybe ask that person if you can stop by to have coffee or go shopping with them for their holiday gifts. Let them run the conversation so you can put feelers out on whether or not they want to talk about what’s bothering them. Call to say you made a double batch of dinner and you’d like to give the extras to them because they mean so much to you.

Take care of yourself

There are so many ways to be present in the lives of those who are struggling. Your presence means so much more than you will ever know. If you, yourself, are struggling this holiday season, I hope that you’re able to take care of yourself in ways that bring comfort and joy.

Andrea Junge