To See What I See

I was very fortunate in being born in St. Louis, Missouri, the Midwest, to a very loving family. I was born to young parents, number three of four daughters, in the year 1959. Our upbringing was typical of the times. Dad worked in a factory, mom was a stay at home mother. My sisters and I were well-loved. My arrival brought some surprises; I had a cleft palate, totally unexpected. Fortunately, this issue was repaired at age one and life moved on.

Vision challenges from an early age

In my early school years, it became apparent that I wasn’t seeing as I should. I was l always placed at the front of the class, just couldn’t see from the back of the room. In no time at all, the coveted pointy cat-eye glasses were acquired. This began the story of my eye challenges. Yearly check-ups brought countless prescription changes through the years, coke bottle lenses led to contacts in my teens, and then cataract surgery by age forty. All this lead up to a myopic degeneration diagnosis at age sixty.

Wondering and worrying

So today I often ponder, what will I see as this myopic degeneration continues? I’m seeing relatively well, now. My strong eye, my right eye, thankfully is showing no signs of problems. Yet.

A grayish-blue blob

There are days that I can concentrate on just my left eye/right eye vision, almost separately, but at the same time. Almost a split personality, visually. The shady, invading blob of grayish-blue takes away the center vision of the left eye’s view. There is also the odd waviness of vertical and horizontal lines, almost comical but isn’t. Then with a quick blink, all of those troublesome left eye views are whisked away and things are once again, clear and very straight. As they should be.

Keep on going

The brain, I suppose, takes over and diminishes what is wrong with Mr. Left MMD Eye’s vision and lets Mr. Right Eye control what is seen. I can spend a lot of time thinking and rethinking what I see at this particular moment in time. Wondering and worrying just how far this is going to go. And then, dismiss it all and get on with my day.

Seeing what I see

Before this diagnosis, I never really broke down what I was seeing with each eye, just saw it all as one. Like a picture screen, showing the full story of my life’s view. This new adventure with my visiting the Retinal Specialist every six weeks changes everything.

Seeing what I see now becomes a constant quest, to figure out my new view. Deciphering what changes have come to be or not, are things okay or have they worsened? Learning to understand and adapt, while still seeing the total picture of the world around me. Using my “good” eye to carry over for what the MMD eye is missing.

Thinking about the future

Life with a MMD diagnosis certainly has its challenges and my goal is to manage it and be successful in the world.

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